Http Www.Well-Storied.Com Blog How-To-Define-Your-Characters-Unique-Voice Conflict 101 – What You Need to Know

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Conflict 101 – What You Need to Know

Think, for a moment, about the last time you saw yourself in a battle. Can you still feel physical sensations? Is the anger and resentment still there, simmering? Most of the time, these feelings are normal. Here’s your chance to take a deeper look.

Sometimes we hear stories of conflict over limited resources. However, people who know how to work together will find a way to share their resources without getting into violent conflicts. In my opinion, conflict is best defined as a conflict between two or more forces. Failure to manage conflict almost guarantees failure – in our personal and professional lives.

Conflict is useful when you view your struggles as opportunities to expand your horizons and explore new options. On the other hand, war can be bad if you engage in bad behavior that aims to achieve an individual goal or eliminate the other side, now designated as “the enemy.”

This post looks at two concepts that you can use to understand your own struggles.

Dissed – The Bottom Line. Take a step back, look at your last battle and try to make sense of it. Of course, under the threat, you will find a deeper meaning. Can you identify with the feeling of being dismissed, marginalized, dismissed, or disrespected? Different “dis” words can be used in different situations. But the issue, underlying almost all human conflicts, is that one or both sides feel betrayed.

Often one or both parties argue that “it’s not about the money – it’s about the purpose.” This is a sign that the argument is about “evil.” The dollar becomes a metaphor, representing how much one is worth to another.

If money is not an issue then the concept is still valid. Recently, at a boardroom meeting one of my clients, Gwen, a powerful business leader, was not recognized during the Mayor’s opening remarks. Gwen’s inner state was exactly as the mayor said, “Gwen didn’t really belong here.” Fortunately, Gwen chose not to act on emotions. Instead, he kept calm and used positive comments about himself during the meeting. Gwen decided that this was just a misunderstanding, not that she wanted to engage and opened up a conversation. Gwen has learned that sometimes – especially with a specific incident – avoidance is the best conflict management strategy.

Oftentimes, in the news, arguments break out and make headlines. Recent news stories include Alec Baldwin’s angry voice mail message and the Professor Gates-Officer Crowley Cambridge drama. We will never fully understand the events that led to these episodes. However, these things seem to be the culmination of experiences that make people degenerate, down, and out of control.

The Fictional Story of Riots. In his book The Joy of Conflict Resolution, Gary Harper offers a somewhat different perspective on understanding our conflicts. The book begins with a fairy tale, complete with an evil dragon, a beautiful queen, and a prince who rescues her. Harper suggests that the myths of our youth play a major role in the problems we face as adults. Instead, fiction promotes simple, black-and-white conflicts and larger-than-life situations. Unfortunately, the “dramatic trinity” of victim, hero and villain can be a psychological barrier to resolving our conflicts. When we play the victim – under attack, powerless, forced to leave and willing to accept love – we abdicate responsibility. After all, we are innocent, and the war is not our fault. Instead of dealing with the situation, we solve the problem by telling ourselves that the other person needs to change. Sometimes, we go into battle mode to protect ourselves, protect our interests, and even score. It is a work full of courage, selflessness, and the pursuit of justice. Of course, the dark side is that we can be right, manipulative and controlling – which inevitably makes the conflict worse. It is not difficult for us to meet the villain when we find him in the conflict. Ironically, however, the villain thinks he is the victim of the war and, like us, urges his hero to fight.

The bottom line is, instead of playing out the hero-villain/cops-and-robbers scenario in your head, the key to solving conflicts is to expand your perspective. Imagine that the person on the other side is feeling disrespected or attacked. If you can be friendly and patient enough to find creative solutions to the conflict, you will both win. It’s not about splitting the difference. It’s about sharing information so it’s easy to hear. To be effective you must listen with interest and love. Ultimately, these open conversations foster mutual understanding, and this understanding is the bridge that leads to discussion and decision-making.

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