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Emotional Abuse – The Abuse No One Ever Told You About

I think this is a very important topic to discuss more. Although we have all been brought up and heard from all sides, that killing is wrong, that it is an act of abuse, the concept of emotional/verbal/psychological abuse, is very common. of looking. Emotional damage can last longer than physical abuse, possibly for a long time.

We still wonder why a woman agrees with a physical abuser. Sounds crazy to us…when someone touches you – you leave – it’s that simple. What people don’t realize is that physical abusers start out as emotional abusers. When a man is physically abusive, he rips the woman in a bad way or for a long time, he is not sure which way is up. I know that most women think that they can see this guy without further ado and this falls into the “it will never happen to me” category. All I can tell you is that I have a degree in engineering, I have a good job, I’m always happy, I know better than to let people hurt me, I’ll always wake someone up I found myself in a bad mood.

Emotional abuse is much more complex and perverse than just breaking you down, telling you you’re not beautiful, stupid, etc. I want to share a short story with you to better explain how an emotional abuser works. .

My then boyfriend and I planned a week long vacation. I was so excited to go on vacation with him and just me. The day we were scheduled to leave I was sitting in my friend’s house with his roommate, waiting for him to come home so his roommate could take us to the airport. I saw her roommate packing her bags and asked where she was going for the weekend. He looked at me like I had two heads and said, “I’m going with you.” I was shocked, hurt and mad that my friend didn’t tell me about her roommate visiting us. I would never buy a plane ticket if I knew it was a “group” trip. When my friend came home I pulled him aside and calmly asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said to me “We talked last Wednesday. Don’t you remember? You were sitting right there, he was sitting here, I was sitting on the other side and we all agreed.” I was really upset because I still didn’t like the situation, I wasn’t really excited about the trip anymore, but what was wrong with me that I couldn’t remember the details? This is my bad memory that my ex brought me to. No matter how sad or hurt, I have only myself to blame. I wish I had admitted that I didn’t remember.

It wasn’t until I left him that I realized that the conversation between the three of us didn’t happen and he was just playing tricks on my mind. It’s always like that. “I gave you instructions, don’t you remember?” “We’ve talked about this before, don’t you remember?” “I told you to bring xyz!” I felt silence and silence and silence in that relationship. I thought I had a bad memory and sometimes I just forgot so I kept buying. He trusted me because I couldn’t trust myself and lost my mind! All the time I was with him I didn’t ask. He told me so many lies that it never occurred to me that I don’t believe anyone who tells me they love me. I don’t think it’s a lie like that and I think it’s easier to spot abuse, like just telling someone “you’re crazy”, instead of telling them they’re stupid in a fake way.

Your greatest defense against fraudsters and psychotherapists is to trust yourself no matter the situation. If I had trusted myself and trusted the facts in my head instead of what he was telling me was true, we would have been almost three months out of the marriage. If I had been taught how to deal with mental violence, I would never have gotten into that horrible situation.

The list below is a sign that you may be in an abusive relationship. It’s a good list to keep in the back of your head for your friends, family or children so you can recognize red flags early. This list is taken from http://www.drirene.com. If you answered “yes” to the others, you may want to take a closer look.

Your partner has:

Do you care about your feelings?

do you respect

taunt or make fun of you and tell you jokes or don’t you joke?

make fun of your beliefs, faith, race, heritage or class?

withheld approval, appreciation or love?

give tumor treatment?

walk away without answering you?

criticize you, call you names, cry at you?

do you humiliate yourself or in public?

does he roll his eyes when you talk?

Do you have a hard time socializing with your friends or family?

to socialize (and keep your cool) even when you’re not feeling well?

tend to make sure that the things you really want are the things you don’t get?

tell you that you are too sensitive?

does it hurt especially when you go down?

Is the fight too intense, the fight makes you tired?

does it suddenly change from good to bad for no reason?

a wonderful face to the world and loved by outsiders?

“change” your words, will they change what you say?

try to control the decisions, the money, even the way you do your hair and what you wear?

complain about how bad you treat him?

threatening to leave or threatening to kick you out?

say what makes you happy, but do what makes you hate?

have you been stranded?

have threatened to harm you or your family?

Have you ever been hit or fired, even by “accident”?

kind of awkward when you two seem close to each other?

hurt something you love: pet, child, property?

Do you have enough praise to make you happy, but do you have enough criticism to make you feel insecure?

promise you won’t do anything bad again?

bothering you about ideas?

manipulating you with lies and arguments?

Destroying furniture, punching through walls, breaking tools?

drive like a highway robber?

are stubborn and selfish, but do you blame them for those behaviors?

question all your work and purpose, and question your knowledge?

interrupt yourself; hear but not really listen?

Do you think you can’t win? damned if you do, damned if you don’t?

drug or alcohol use? or are things worse?

Does it make you angry, is it a “sign” that you are at fault?

try to convince yourself that he is “right”, but you are “wrong”?

many things that are later denied or accused of misunderstanding?

treat yourself as a gendered object, as if gender should be assigned on demand regardless of what you think?

Your situation is important if you have any of the following:

You rarely express your thoughts.

When you find yourself walking on eggshells, be careful when and how you say something.

You want that softer, more vulnerable part of your partner to come out.

Do you find excuses for your partner’s behavior?

You are not safe.

You feel uncomfortable talking to others about your relationship.

Hopefully things will change … especially with your love and wisdom.

You may find yourself doubting your memory or your perception of reality.

You doubt your own thinking.

You doubt your abilities.

You are vulnerable and insecure.

You are getting depressed.

You are becoming more and more passive.

You are scared or afraid of your partner.

You physically hurt your partner, even once.

Another great resource is the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond by Patricia Evans. Often referred to as the best book on emotional abuse, it may be helpful for you or someone you know who wants to educate themselves about emotional abuse. internal.

Keep in mind that abusers are often well-liked, well-known, and well-respected, and abuse their partners alone. If you have someone in your life, in a relationship, and they seem to be cutting off contact with you and other friends, have a heart to heart if you are close. I know I probably didn’t listen right away, but if someone I love tells me “It’s not good, either, he did this or that.” or “You deserve someone who does this or that.” even if that line was just shown to me, i might have woken up too early.

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